Eating Disorders Today

Coping with Family Visits over the Holidays

Eating Disorders Today has a name change and a new location. 

Please visit Eating Disorder Recovery for Women at http://www.eatingdisorderrecovery.com.

Most people with eating disorders have experienced strained relationships within their family with one or more family members. Creating distance from family is an attempt to create a safe barrier in order to avoid familiar emotional difficulties.

However, separation from family during a holiday season opens up an inner black hole of loneliness, abandonment, isolation and terrific grief. The ideal holiday celebration images streaming in through media, billboards, music, street corners, malls, shop windows is in extreme contrast to the real experience.

Yet, to be with family triggers floods of anxiety because the family will be the real family, not the media images of the holiday. If the person is in the early to mid stages of eating disorder recovery she does not yet have the ability to protect herself and stand firm in the presence of the people who remind her of the original stressful situations.

Early recovery from anorexia, bulimia or compulsive overeating is a sensitive and emotionally painful and frightening time. The person is quite vulnerable.

Here are some tips on coping with family visits.

1. Decide in advance what boundaries you need to keep yourself safe and secure. e.g. separate room for sleeping (i.e. no sleeping on the living room couch) or other public places.

2. Let people know in advance that you have a food plan you need to honor. Make arrangements for the food you need to be easily available.

3. Set up a phone support team in advance. You make calls at specific times to specific people who will listen to your stress and your achievements with understanding. These people can be from eating disorder support groups, your psychotherapist, Overeaters Anonymous members.

4. If your feelings get out of hand, if you are on the verge of being overwhelmed, make your outreach calls and find an OA meeting. Put yourself in an environment where the top priority for others is eating disorder recovery.

5. And always, always: Don t get too tired, too hungry or too thirsty. Keeping yourself well rested, well nourished and well hydrated not only helps keep you healthy. It also helps keep your blood sugar levels reasonable and your emotions more even and mellow.

Please remember, the greatest challenge in eating disorder recovery is to recognize that you suffer from an illness and that your recovery depends on your bearing your own feelings. We all must live in the world as it is.

When your feelings are unbearable, as they often are when you suffer from an eating disorder, your challenge is to find healthy ways to reduce the stress in your environment. At the same time, since isolation is tempting but not a good idea, you need to find ways to build your inner strength so that you can bear more of the stress of life.

All this may seem like an arduous task. But you will be surprised at the joy and satisfaction you experience as you discover your own creativity and new skills in caring for yourself well. You'll discover ways of being more at peace with your family. What's more, you will like yourself better.

 

Eating Disorders, Family Visits and the Holiday Season

 

Eating Disorders Today has a name change and a new location. 

Please visit Eating Disorder Recovery for Women at http://www.eatingdisorderrecovery.com.

 

         People with eating disorders or in early or mid recovery from eating disorders call for help more often during the holidays than any other time.

          If you are separated from family for any reason you feel bereft.  At the same time, if you are going to be with family, you can be flooded with anxiety.

          The eating disorder behaviors, too much or too little, purge via throwing up or exercise, are defenses against both real and perceived dangers.  Unfortunately, if you have an eating disorder you may not know the difference.  You feel vulnerable and actually are unable to take care of herself in many mild as well as severe stressful situations that arise in family gatherings.

Options are:

          1.         avoid the family gatherings.  consequence: feels lonely and abandoned.

          2.         attend the family gatherings. consequence: feels rage, fear and attempts to conntrol others.

          3.         act out your eating disorder, i.e. binge, purge, starve and behave as you are expected to behave complete with people pleasing at any cost:  consequence: are numb to people and stress around you, feel isolated among people, feel guilt, shame and lots of tension.

          4.         call for help and commit to recovery work.  consequence: provide yourself with support  encouragement and tools to withstand your stresses without acting out and develop health and strength so you no longer needs the eating disorder to cope with your life including her family relationships.

          The good news is that pain aroused during the holidays awaken you to the fact that your issues are not about your personality or will power.  Your pain can show you that you suffer from an illness and can motivate you to begin or recommit to your recovery work.