What a Healthy Relationship with Food Looks Like - a lesson from children

            Two little girls, sisters, 5 and 7 years old, were spending the afternoon with me in my home.  We are great friends.

            We had been painting in my studio and running in the grass counting Buddhas (I have a lot of Buddhas in my garden).

            Suddenly the five year old announced, "I'm hungry!"
      
            The more demure seven year old gave her sister a look that said, not so loud and impolite, please while she looked at me and nodded, "Me, too."

      I said, "Well, let's go look in the refrigerator and see what I've got."

      They both grinned and ran into the house.  The content of other people's refrigerators is fascinating to children.

     We found a kind of apple they had never tasted, a fuji.  Five said "no.".  Seven said, "Try it.  It might be good."

     I peeled the apple.  This was a task so totally expected and assumed that no verbal request was given.  Five wordlessly handed me the apple with a most effective facial expression and automatic gesture that clearly informed me of my job.

     They decided the apple was good.  We also found some cottage cheese and carrots. So we peeled the carrots. I sliced the apple. We dished out the cottage cheese and sat in the dining room for lunch.

      I put on some Mozart because we had been discussing the theory that listening to Mozart made children smarter.

      The girls ate with gusto and no talking.  Then they started talking a little as they ate more slowly.  Then they talked even more and ate less.  At one point the seven year old described how she felt listening to the music and wondered if she were getting smarter. 

      She then got up and danced.  The five year old joined her.  The remaining food on the table was forgotten as the girls leped and jumped to Mozart's music.

      My experience?  My imagery saw each child with a transparent fuel tank on her chest. When the fuel tank was empty they immediately felt hunger and knew it.  The thought of food was exciting. Looking at the food, making decisions about it, preparing it was thrilling.  Eating it was glorious. 

      As the gauge on the fuel tank registered an increase, their eating slowed.  By the time the tank was full they had lost complete interest in the food.  Not only that, but the burning fuel released energy to their minds and bodies and that energy turned into joyous dance.

      I smiled at my cavorting little friends, thinking, This is what the absence of an eating disorder looks like.  This is what a healthy relationship with food looks like.

Joanna Poppink, MFT, psychotherapist eating disorder specialist, Los Angeles, CA bulimia, anorexia, compulsive overeating recovery, www.poppink.com

Comments

[Susan Mindoro MPH,RD,CDE]

As I read the posting "What a Healthy Relationship with Food Looks Like-a lesson from children", I was pleased to share the same opinion about healthful relationships with food that were shared by therapist, Joanna Poppink.

As a Registered Dietitian working with patients, with and without eating disorders, one of the most valuable skills I work on developing with patients is to eat when they are hungry and stop eating when they are full.

Clearly the children in Joanna's posting did just that. They tried new foods, enjoyed them and then forgot about food as they listened and danced to music.

Sounds simple, doesn't it? Eating when you're hungry and stopping when you're full.

Many people find it difficult to describe what it physically feels like to be hungry. Many say they are hungry when they feel weak, get grouchy or have a headache.

I'd say this might be closer to being famished than being hungry.

For myself, I describe hunger as a little movement in the area of my stomach. I can feel where my stomach is located inside my body when I'm hungry, and that little movement is my first sign to eat. Your signals may be different.

Another difficult question to answer is how to describe when you're full. Many say they are full when they finish all the food on their plate or when they've eaten too much and feel stuffed.

I describe full as the absence of hunger. When the movement (my hunger signal) in my stomach is gone, I'm full.

My daughter, who is now nine, gave me a great description of full when she was four. Since my patients had such a difficult time describing hungry and full, I asked her what hunger felt like to her.

She said it was when you have 1 or 2 butterflies flying in your tummy but not a bunch of them.

And how did she know when she'd eaten enough? She said the butterflies stopped flying when she's full.

I don't think the girls in Joanna Poppink's posting were thinking about eating when they were hungry and stopping when they were full. They didn't need to. They have a healthy relationship with food.

Seems so simple, but it isn't, especially when you have an eating disorder.

If you have an eating disorder or are trying to eat healthier, consider working with a Registered Dietitian. We're not about to put anyone on a diet but instead help develop healthy eating strategies to promote a healthful lifetime relationship with food.

Susan Mindoro MPH,RD,CDE
Registered Dietitian
www.finddiethelp.com

[Joanna Poppink, LMFT]

Dear Susan,

Thank you for your comment.Your daughter's quote is terrific. A healthy, honest child can be so charming, brilliant and succinct!

I hope to keep in contact with you. By all means visit my blog again. Comments from a solid dietitian like yourself are most welcome!

Joanna

Joanna Poppink, MFT, psychotherapist eating disorder specialist, Los Angeles, CA bulimia, anorexia, compulsive overeating recovery, www.poppink.com