Eating Disorders, Family Visits and the Holiday Season

          People with eating disorders or in early or mid recovery

from eating disorders call for help more often during the holidays

than any other time.

          If they are separated from family for any reason they feel

bereft.  At the same time, if they are going to be with family, they

are flooded with anxiety.

          The eating disorder behaviors, too much or too little, purge

via throwing up or exercise, are defenses against both real and

perceived dangers.  Unfortunately the person with an eating disorder

often cannot tell the difference.  She feels vulnerable and actually is

unable to take care of herself in many mild as well as severe stressful

situations that arise in family gatherings.

Options are:

          1.         avoid the family gatherings.  consequence: feels lonely and abandoned.

          2.         attend the family gatherings. consequence: feels rage, fear and attempts

                      to control others

          3.         act out her eating disorder, i.e. binge, purge, starve and do what she is told:

                      consequence: is numb to people and stress around her, feels isolated among

                      people, feels guilt, shame and lots of tension.

          4.         call for help and commit to recovery work.  consequence: provides herself
   
                      with support, encouragement and tools to withstand her stresses without acting out,

                      begins to develop health and strength so she no longer needs the eating disorder to

                      cope with her life including her family relationships.

          The good news is that pain aroused during the holidays waken the person to the fact that her

issues are not about her personality or will power.  Her pain can show her that she suffers from an

illness and can motivate her to begin or recommit to her recovery work.

                                                      

Joanna Poppink, MFT, psychotherapist eating disorder specialist, Los Angeles, CA

bulimia, anorexia, compulsive overeating recovery:  www.poppink.com